Lead Your Own Exit
How to proactively approach a deteriorating employment relationship.
We enter new jobs with hope and energy. We usually look forward, or hope to have work relationships that are fulfilling, trusting, aligned goals, and mutual respect. But sometimes, despite best efforts, things go off course. Maybe we didn’t know the organization or leadership well enough before we committed or circumstances have changed resulting in a negative experience.
If you're an employee sensing that your relationship with your supervisor or top leadership has become strained, or worse, that your role may be nearing an unspoken expiration date you don’t have to wait for the other shoe to drop.
In fact, one of the most empowering moves you can make is to go first: to initiate a respectful, candid conversation about the situation and, if needed, begin the process of transitioning out on your own terms.
How Do You Know It’s Time?
The signs may be subtle at first: fewer meaningful assignments, reduced communication, less inclusion in team planning, or a shift in your supervisor’s tone or expectations. Maybe your recent performance review was vague, your supervisor is documenting your behavior in an intentional way, or unusually critical. Or perhaps, despite your efforts to improve, you feel unclear how to move forward and unsupported in trying.
These moments can be scary and cause fear and anxiety, but they also offer an opportunity for courageous self-leadership.
Step 1: Reflect Honestly
Before initiating a conversation, take time to reflect:
What is and isn’t working in your current role?
Have you made reasonable efforts to repair the relationship or improve performance?
Are your values still aligned with the organization’s direction and culture?
What would a healthy, constructive exit look like for you?
This clarity helps you approach the situation without defensiveness or blame.
Step 2: Initiate a Respectful Conversation
Schedule a one-on-one with your supervisor and share your perspective. You might say:
“I’ve been reflecting on my role and recent experiences. I sense that things aren’t going as well as they could be, for me or the team. I want to have an open, respectful conversation about what’s working, what’s not, and what a productive next step might look like.”
This may be done in writing depending on the specific circumstances. \
This approach signals maturity, self-awareness, and collaboration. Your goal is not to accuse or defend, but to create shared clarity.
Step 3: Propose a Thoughtful Exit Strategy (If Needed)
If it becomes clear that a transition is the best path forward, you can propose a proactive plan:
Offer a reasonable timeline based on the role (e.g., 2–4 weeks or through the end of a project).
Commit to a thorough handoff and documentation process.
Express a desire to preserve relationships and leave well.
Example language:
“If this role isn’t the right fit anymore, I want to be proactive. I’d prefer to leave in a way that is mutually beneficial and maintains a positive relationship. I’m willing to collaborate with you to make this transition as smooth as possible.”
Why This Approach Matters
By going first, you retain dignity and increase your control of the situation. You also reduce the chance of being blindsided and increase the chance of parting on respectful terms. Most of all, you demonstrate professionalism, something that stays with you long after your final day.
Exits, like entries, can define your professional story. Don’t be afraid to write your own ending with courage and intention.